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Thursday, 10 March 2016 14:13

6 Handy tips for single men to score successful dates

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Dating is a lot like fishing. You cast your net into the ocean, hoping to bait a good catch from a sea of suitors. If you do not find your catch suitable, it is okay – you can always

try again.

But if you are constantly getting ditched right after the very first date or a couple of hours into your date, it is time for you to rethink your dating strategy and consider a new formula. Whether you are love struck or stuck, here are six surefire ways on how you can increase your chances of winning your date over. Good luck!

Tip #1: Think, talk and dress like a gentleman – even if you are not one

gentleman

You have asked the woman of your dreams out for a date. Great! It is your very first date and nothing excites you apart from the idea of spending time with her, trying your best to know her inside-out. But you are unsure whether she is interested in you. So how are you going to get her to accept you?

Simple. Be a modern gentleman.

A modern gentleman is a refined man who is well-mannered, speaks politely and clearly and makes eye contact when talking to someone. He is considerate. He is a voracious reader who enjoys picking up a book, newspaper or magazine to read. He is mindful of his language and does not brag about himself, his looks and achievements. He treats women with respect – that is why women like being around him – but he does not flirt with them. Fashion-wise, he dresses according to his own style and owns it.

The idea is simple: if you wish to make a lasting impression on your first date, suit up (or dress smart) and be on your best behavior. Your first impression counts. 

What if you are an “Ah Beng” or a lad trying to chase a woman whose educational and or social status is higher than yours? According to the Chinese Philosopher Confucius, “A man can be a gentleman, regardless if he belongs to the elite or not, through practicing acts which are considered moral and humane.” All it takes is a little effort to learn good manners, speak good English, make eye contact when talking to someone, read widely and exercise self-restraint.

Tip #2. Be confident

 

Few are born with confidence. But confidence is the most attractive quality in any man. A confident man is totally secure and sure about himself. A confident man does not seek approval from his mates or his mother. Writing on his company’s website, nicknotas.com, dating coach Nick Notas notes that a man with a strong head on his shoulders is more important than superficial factors like looks or money. But having a ‘strong head’ does not mean being / acting “tough” and or “dominant”. “A confident man,” explains Nick, “is assertive, takes responsibility and initiative, leads with charisma and self-assurance…has a proactive outlook on life and radiates positive energy…and he doesn’t brag or boast.”

Like men are attracted to confident women, women find confident men irresistible. Consider this school of thought: if you think you are great, your date will be influenced to think the same.

Tip #3. Don’t gossip about the women in your life… 

 

Even if it was a very, very bad last date and or ex-girlfriend.

Most women hate it when a well-groomed man shows up at a date and the first words out of his mouth involve some sort of “female bashing” that could be slanderous. Uh-oh. Not only does it shows that you are immature, but it also shows that you have not moved on from your last relationship. Do not be a man bitch -- leave that "female bashing" to your dad and uncle and ask your elders for advice on how to move on. 

If you feel that you are not ready to date and or enter a new romantic relationship, trust your instincts.

Tip #4. Be a good listener 

It is no secret that women talk to build-up and or improve relationships. And they expect their prospective boyfriends to be good listeners – to listen and understand each and every word they say.

Besides, being a good listener has its merits. One, listening requires effort. By being a good listener, you are making an effort to understand your date. Two, effective listening helps cultivate your emotional intelligence and can help enhance any interactions or solve problems. Three, effective listening shows that you are interested in your date. Explains listening expert Paul Sacco, Ph.D., Assistant Professor at the University of Maryland: “Good listeners really put everything down and focus on [the person in front of them]. And as a result, the other person becomes instantly aware that they've an interest in what they have to say.”

Being a good listener is one of the key fundamentals to a lasting relationship. A partner who is a good listener will wait for his turn to speak – and thisin turn, means that he is respectful of you and your opinions (even if he does not agree with you).

Tip #5. Stay off your mobile phone during your date

 

Women absolutely hate vying with your mobile phone and Social Media for attention. Like an ill-mannered person trying to interrupt a conversation, texting, Facebooking, Instagramming and or Tweeting away during a date is considered impolite. Unless your day job title is ‘Social Media Executive/Manager/Director,’ you should switch your mobile phone to silent mode.

What if you really need to reply to an urgent text message? Easy. Politely excuse yourself and attend to your urgent message. Just be forewarned that if you do this too often you will blow your chances of a subsequent date. 

It is all about getting your priorities right.

Tip #6. Offer to send your date home

 

After your one-on-one outing or dinner, it is time to part. Instead of letting your date go off on her on, offer to send her home…unless she refuses your offer.

Now, some of you guys might argue that offering to send your date home is archaic. Others might say that Singapore is a relatively safe city-state. But hey! This is all part and parcel of leaving a good first impression. Even when you feel that your date is not a fit, offer to send her home and do not forget to say “Goodnight”.

Why? It is often said that a small act of kindness goes a long way, and it is the little things in life that count. Plus you do not want to be seen as a jerk, lad or ignorant man, right?

And who knows? Your date might introduce you to one, two – or even three – of her closest female friends whom might become your beloved “Mrs”. 

Okay, guys, now that I’m done, it is your turn to let me know how you feel. 

Elias Tan

Twitter: @Lanthnum

Email: elias.tan@eastiebrekkie.com

What I Do For a Living: I stalk people for comments; eat, wine and dine; take plenty of pictures; and I tell stories.

What I Do For Fun: I play with my cat; I blog feminist stuff; I travel, travel, travel....; I read a lot; I love art and art galleries; I sleep; I shop; I watch horror and ghost movies; I write my alternate life aka semi non-fiction (because what I write will become a reality); I draw; I sketch; I surf for cat pictures; and I source for stuff I love. 

My Motto: Love thy work!  

My Antithesis In Life: “Have 1 – no – 2, 3 or more (if you can afford it).” Google if you don’t know what it means – but don’t. I’m sorry, you’ll hate me because I choose to be #childfree. But I think that's the responsible way forward for me who is in business. I absolutely have no time for nuturing people, cooking and cleaning.